A Solitary Soul-Unfinished
by Pixie
Summary: Buffy thinks that it's better for her to distance herself from her friends, problem is she goes too far. The only person who can save her from herself is Angel....the person who she doesn't want to see right now...


~Title: A Solitary Soul  
  
~Author: Pixie  
  
~Disclaimer: I don't own them.  
  
~Distribution: No one would want it anyways. *sigh* oh well. If you do (Which probably won't happen.) ask me, I'll say yes.  
  
~Relationships: B/A (It's gonna be a reunion kind of thing.) W/O, X/Anya, C/D, G/Joyce  
  
~Author's Note: *sigh* don't think there is any. means thoughts.  
  
~Spoilers: Only Angel leaving so far.  
  
~Feedback: I'm kinda depressed right now, it's Christmas and I'm depressed.  
  
~Email Addy: Pixie232@cs.com  
  
~Ratings: PG?  
  
~Summary: Buffy feels lonely, she thinks about the whole Slayer thing and decides it was best if they had no contact with Buffy. Just READ it!  
  
~*PLEASE SEND FEEDBACK! I WROTE THIS LATE AT NIGHT, SO IT MIGHT BE CRAPPY.~*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*On with the story~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
*Part One*  
  
Come on. Come on. Buffy Summers thought as she waited for the newly made vampire to rise from it's slumber.  
  
I'd wish they'd hurry up. She thought again with a sigh.  
  
As if on cue, the dirt beneath her feet began to move.  
  
Finally! she exclaimed in her head, glad the night was almost over.  
  
Buffy watched as the vampire rose. It was a girl, no older than she was.  
  
Buffy felt sorry for her. Another innocent dead because she couldn't save them.  
  
Oh well. Think of it as 'I kill a vampire, I save a life.' Buffy thought, trying to cheer herself up, it wasn't working.  
  
As soon as Buffy saw her chest, Buffy plunged the stake deep into her dead heart and she was nothing more than ashes.  
  
Buffy continued to patrol through the graveyard. After making sure there were no more vampires for her to dust, Buffy left for the Bronze.  
  
***  
  
As Buffy neared the club, she could hear music flowing out of it.  
  
Buffy paid the bouncer and entered the club.  
  
Buffy walked in and looked around for her friends.  
  
As usual, she spotted them at their usual seats.  
  
She saw that everyone there had a partner.  
  
Willow and Oz. Xander and Anya. Even at home there was Giles and Joyce, they were 'dating.'  
  
Only Buffy was alone. She was partnerless. No one to snuggle up with late at night. No one to give goodbye kisses too. No one to hear her complain how unfair her life was.  
  
That used to be where Angel came in.  
  
But he had left her.  
  
Still, after a year, it hurt to even think that Angel had abandoned her.  
  
Quickly stopping herself from thinking of Angel any further, Buffy glanced at the group again.  
  
She watched as Xander talked, probably some silly joke of his. She watched as the group laughed, even Oz cracked a smile.  
  
Feeling depressed again, Buffy left, not wanting to be a third wheel at all.  
  
Buffy left to her dorm rooms where she could think further.  
  
***  
  
Part Two  
  
***  
  
She knew now why Slayers weren't meant to have family or friends.  
  
It hurt too much to see them happy while you were in constant pain and misery.  
  
She couldn't allow her friends to share any more of her misery than she already had.  
  
They deserved more than that. They deserved a life without darkness.  
  
She didn't want them to be risking their lives for her duty.  
  
It was, after all, *her* duty. She and she alone will carry that burden until the day she died.  
  
She wanted her friends to live a long and happy life without demons or darkness stopping them.  
  
They should live in the "light."  
  
They don't deserve to have this burden. That's my burden. I should be letting them go on with their lives. Buffy thought and sighed.  
  
It was going to be painful, on her part as well as theirs, to let go of them. But she had to.  
  
Slaying should be my life. It is the reason why I was born. Not for friends. Not for families. Not for.....lovers. Buffy sighed again. She knew she was never meant to have lovers.  
  
Angel, Parker, and Riley all proved that to be true.  
  
From now on, Buffy Summers had one purpose: slaying.  
  
Oh well. I'm sorry guys. Buffy thought ruefully as she picked up the newspaper by her feet.  
  
Time to look for a new place.   
  
  
***  
  
Part Three  
  
***  
  
*2 years from now*  
  
Kick, punch, duck, kick, punch, punch, roundhouse, stake. Kick, punch, duck, kick, punch, punch, roundhouse, stake.  
  
Buffy Summers was training in her basement of her home.  
  
She'd been training for hours. She hadn't even broke a sweat. The moves coming naturally to her as she repeated the form over and over again.  
  
Finally feeling confident that she had mastered this form, she did staffs.  
  
Buffy Summers had become an even more powerful slayer than ever before, due to her devotion to training and patrolling.  
  
The number of vampires and demons were dwindling to a mere nothing.  
  
There hardly were vampires anymore.   
  
Rumors were going around about how the slayer would kill any demon or vampire without hesitation, thus earning the Hellmouth to be less of an activity than ever before.  
  
Giles was both proud and disappointed. He was proud that his slayer finally took matters into her own hands. But he was disappointed that she had done it all alone, not even paying attention to any of his warnings.  
  
Some day she would hurt herself or even worse, but she still never listened.  
  
Not that Buffy cared anymore.  
  
She had decided long ago, two years ago in fact, that it was safer if she took her duty seriously.  
  
She trained in the day, patrolled in the night, and slept for only five hours.  
  
She had lost contact with her once called friends about a year ago when she had refused to talk to them.  
  
They had all moved on, so Giles had said, and Buffy was glad that they had.  
  
Sure she missed them sometimes, but being alone in the darkness was the price. She never want anyone to share her duty with anymore.  
  
She had fired Giles from being her Watcher.  
  
He had been shocked and mad and he had protested profusedly.  
  
Buffy took a long time to give in. She let him be her watcher, under one condition.  
  
The condition being that all he did was watch and research. He had protested again, but Buffy was stubborn.  
  
Thinking that it was better to watch and do research for Buffy than not having to do anything at all for Buffy was better.  
  
Buffy's attire had also changed as well.  
  
Going from skirts, bright colored shirts and blouses to black leather pants, black tops, and a black duster.  
  
Her attire made her look like some avenger. All black.  
  
Buffy had also become as pale as a sheet. The result of not having been in the sun for over two years. Only when neccessary did she went out in the sun, but never for social reasons.  
  
Buffy had also dropped out of school. She got her money from the Watcher's Council. She had wrote a letter telling them that if they want a slayer that still worked to protect the world than they better start paying her.  
  
They paid her a fortune, but she never used the money for anything except for buying weapons.  
  
Her house was simple, the walls were adorned with many types of weapons.  
  
Her basement was her training place. Mats, staffs, and swords were one of her many training equipments.  
  
Buffy looked at her wristwatch. She decided that she would train for another hour before showering and patrolling.  
  
Putting down the staff, she picked up her sword and began another round of training.  
  
Part Four  
  
*****  
  
Buffy sighed as she stepped into the steaming hot shower. Standing directly under the spray, Buffy closed her eyes and relaxed.  
  
She was already relaxed after her meditation. She usually meditate after some vigorous exercise and training.  
  
It took her a few months to master the art of meditating and when she finally did, she was glad she learned how.  
  
Meditating helped her to relax and it also help her with her concentration span, which used to be two minutes before she got bored.  
  
Now she can sit there, legs folded and hands on her knee, for hours at most.  
  
Pulling out of her thoughts, Buffy finished up her shower before the hot water ran out. Turning off the water, she stepped out and grabbed a big fluffy towel. Using it to dry herself up and taking another towel for her hair. When she was done drying herself and her hair, she put on her usual slaying clothes.  
  
Black tank top and black leather pants.  
  
Exiting the bathroom, Buffy went into her bedroom for some stakes. She hid her stakes in hiding places that she managed to make in her home, a hole in the wall--covered with a picture frame--held some stakes, a hole in the floor--covered with a wooden plate and a rug held by a lock--held even more stakes. There were even more places that she managed to make a hiding place for her weapons. Removing the picture frame, Buffy grabbed some stakes, tucking the stakes into hidden places beneath her clothing.  
  
Making sure no stakes were showing, Buffy picked up her duster.  
  
Checking to make sure that all windows and doors were closed, Buffy went on patrol.  
  
***  
  
This is boring. There's *no* vampires out. Probably cause you killed them all. Buffy thought to herself.  
  
Buffy haven't even seen a vampire for months, the last time was three months ago. It was a fledgling.  
  
Makes me wish I never killed them all. Freaky. Buffy sighed.  
  
She stopped in her tracks when she felt her 'spidey sense' go off along with a feeling in her stomach that she just couldn't understand.  
  
The feelings were all to familiar, yet she couldn't put her finger on it.  
  
"You know, you're just wasting my time. Might as well come out or you'll be facing one pissed off slayer." Buffy told the vampire.  
  
"Wouldn't want to do that now would we?" A familiar voice answered.  
  
Buffy watched as a figure stepped out of the shadows. Buffy held back a gasp when she saw who the owner of the voice was.  
  
"Hello Buffy. Long time no see." Angel told the quiet Buffy.  
  
Part Five  
  
*****  
  
  
Buffy was surprised. Never would she have expected Angel to be here. In Sunnydale.  
  
Getting over her surprised state, Buffy greeted him.  
  
"Hello Angel. How are you?" Buffy asked casually. Many emotions were being stirred with his presence and she vowed to not let him see any of them. Not love, not hate. Nothing.  
  
Buffy had two years of practice to control her feelings. She learned how to keep her feelings unexpressed. Her eyes, her body language, nothing could give away what she was feeling and she wanted that to remain that way.  
  
"I'm fine, you?" Angel asked her, although all he wanted was to hold her and never let go like he did in the past.  
  
"Great. So, what are you doing here?" Buffy asked him, curious.  
  
"Just visiting. It's been a long time since I've seen anyone." Like you. Angel added silently.  
  
"Well, if you don't mind, I really have to be going. Bye, hope to see you around." Buffy said as she walked past him.  
  
Angel stood there. He was surprised at her casualty. Giles had told him that she was cold, but he never thought she'd be that.....casual. It took him most of his energy and will to just stand there and not run up to her and kiss her until she could no longer stand.  
  
It was like she didn't care if Angel was there. He couldn't even tell what she was thinking.  
  
Oh boy. Angel thought.  
  
Angel took one last look around the cemetery before leaving for the mansion.  
  
Looks like I'll be spending some quality time with the dust. Angel sighed.  
  
There was no doubt that the mansion would be all dusty when he arrived there.  
  
***  
  
Buffy let out a sigh as she walked out of the cemetery and walked home.  
  
Angel is here. He's here, after three years, he's here. Buffy thought. Shaking the thought out of her head.  
  
She wouldn't think of him, she *refused* to think of him.  
  
She wasn't about to forgive and forget easily. Not after what he put her through.  
  
Buffy sighed again and opened the door to her house. Hanging her coat up, Buffy went down into the basement for some more training.  
  
Part Six  
  
*****  
  
Buffy yawned as she got ready for bed. Training had been exhausting.  
  
She had been training for two hours straight and she was tired. Training had taken her mind off of Angel.  
  
His presence in town had disturbed her. Whether out of hate or love, she didn't know.  
  
She hated not knowing what her feelings were. It made her feel vulnerable and she knew from experience that it could get her hurt or possibly worst.  
  
Changing her clothes into pajamas, Buffy climbed into bed and fell into a troubled sleep.  
  
*****  
  
*In Angels mansion, 1/2 miles away*  
  
Angel sighed as he thought of Buffy.  
  
He was on his back, hands behind his head, on his bed. He was right about the mansion being all dusty.  
  
It took him and hour to dust off all the dust that had gathered over the past three years.  
  
Had it been that long? Three long years without ever seeing the one you love. It was torture he knew that for sure.  
  
Angel lay on his bed, shirtless, thinking about her. Her being Buffy. It was always about Buffy.  
  
Never had a day pass by that he didn't think of her. She plagued his dreams. She was everywhere he looked.  
  
It took him everything, every ounce of will he had gathered since 80 some years ago when he was given back his soul, to not pick up the phone and talk to her. He wanted to hear her voice everyday, and it became harder to stay sane.  
  
And now, she was so close, yet so far away. He could actually talk to her, touch her, hear her voice, hold her.   
  
But she was so.....distant. All the years of slaying must have caught up on her.  
  
He had expected to find his vibrant Buffy, but instead he found the cold, bitter shell of what he thought was Buffy.  
  
That was all she was. A shell. She was devoid of feelings.  
  
Giles had told him all about her routine.  
  
Train in the day, slay at night, and sleep for five hours and no more.   
  
She was so skinny. He had to wonder if she's even eating properly.  
  
Probably not. All she seems to be thinking about is slaying. And she was just so pale.   
  
She was as pale as he was, even paler if that was possible. Her skin clung to her bones. She was just a bag of bones.  
  
He had to wonder how she survived two years looking like that.  
  
Oh boy. Looks like Giles was right. She needs help. Angel thought.  
  
Angel sighed as he rolled over on his side and fell into a troubled sleep.  
  
*****  
  
(Buffy fell asleep the same time Angel did)  
  
As the two lovers slept, they dreamt of each other. Whether willingly or not, they found each other in the arms of one another.  
  
Part Seven  
  
*****  
  
Angel stood still, letting his eyes adjust to the brightness of the room. When finally his eyes were able to see, he took a look around.  
  
He couldn't see anything but white clouds.  
  
Where am I? Is this heaven? Angel asked to himself.  
  
"Angel...."  
  
Angel could hear someone whisper his name. The voice was so familiar. The sound seemed to echo off of the white clouds and walls.  
  
"Angel...."  
  
The voice said again, only louder. It was clearly a female's voice.  
  
"Angel...." she said again, although who 'she' is, is still unknown.  
  
The voice was so familiar. He knew that voice from anywhere, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.  
  
"Angel...."  
  
Suddenly he knew who it was.  
  
Buffy? Angel thought.  
  
"Buffy? Is that you?" Angel asked aloud.  
  
"Angel, I missed you." Buffy said.  
  
Angel still couldn't see where she was. The need to find her was overwhelming his senses.  
  
"Buffy, where are you?"  
  
"Open your eyes and you'll see." She said.  
  
Open my eyes? But they're already open. Angel was confused.  
  
"You must not use your eyes as the only sense, Angel. Close your eyes."  
  
Angel, still confused, closed his eyes. When after a few seconds he couldn't see her, he began to panic.  
  
"Buffy, I don't see you."  
  
"Concentrate, please, I need to see you."  
  
Angel concentrated. Suddenly another bright light appeared behind his closed eyelids and a person could be seen.  
  
Even from far away he would be able to recognize her.  
  
Opening his eyes, he saw her standing over the horizon. He began to walk towards her as she began to walk towards him.  
  
The two lovers met in the middle and embraced.  
  
"Buffy, I missed you." Angel said, his voice muffled since his face was buried in the crook of her neck.  
  
"I missed you too." She said.  
  
Buffy felt so safe in his arms, she missed this. Being able to be held by him gave her a sense of security.  
  
"Angel, you have to help me."  
  
"What do you mean?" Angel asked, concerned.  
  
"You have to help me." She said again.  
  
Buffy pulled back and she could see the worry apparent in his eyes.  
  
"What? How can I help you? Are you in danger?" He asked.  
  
"You must find a way. Time is almost up." Buffy replied, cryptically.  
  
"No. You have to tell me. How can I help you if I don't know what's hurting you?"  
  
"You will. Angel, remember that I love you. I have to go."  
  
"No. Don't go." Angel tried to pull her back into his arms but she was already out of reach.  
  
"You have to help me." She said again, her voice nothing more than a whisper.  
  
*****  
  
Angel shot up from bed. Sweat trickling down his forehead and onto his chest. Angel was breathing heavily, although there was no need for it.  
  
Taking deep breaths Angel began to calm down. He knew that he would never be able to get anymore rest.  
  
Angel lay there, thinking about the dream.  
  
Weird dream....   
  
*****  
  
Buffy shot up from bed. Sweat trickling down her forehead and onto the comforter.  
  
She had dreamt of Angel. She had never dreamt of Angel, consciously she never did or at least she never remembered the dreams that she dreamt of Angel.  
  
Now she remembered every detail of their dream.  
  
Buffy had been so lost when she called out for him. It was instinct for her to be calling out for Angel. When she didn't receive any answer from him, she began to worry.   
  
Calling out louder and clearer. Still he didn't answer. She called out again and finally, he answered.  
  
He was curious and he was in a panic when he couldn't see her. Buffy tried to see where he was, but was unsuccessful.  
  
Then she remembered what Giles had said a long time ago.  
  
"The eyes are not only used for seeing. Closing one's eyes can bring out things that you might not be able to see with the naked eye." He had said.  
  
She told him to close his eyes and there he was, over the horizon.  
  
Buffy started making her way to Angel at the same time that he was making his way over to her.  
  
They met in the middle and embraced.  
  
Buffy could rememeber their conversation. She didn't know what she was talking about.  
  
Sighing, Buffy knew she wouldn't be able to get anymore rest. She got up and trained again.  
  
What a weird dream.....   
  
Part Eight  
  
*****  
  
It was sunset, he could smell it in the air. His vampire instincts told him to hunt while his entire soul and heart told him to find his beloved.  
  
He wanted to see her so much. Especially after the dream. The dream had scared him, filled him with dread with the possibility that Buffy might be in danger and he wouldn't be able to help her out.  
  
That was the worst feeling in the world for him. The feeling of helplessness. Not being able to help the one you love the most tears him apart.  
  
He didn't, *wouldn't* think of the possibilty of Buffy getting hurt or worse and he wouldn't be able to help her.  
  
He wanted to, no *needed* to make sure that Buffy was alright. That nothing had happened to her when she had left the cemetary.  
  
Picking up his duster, Angel made his way towards the front door of the mansion.  
  
When Angel stepped out of the enormous building, he couldn't help but take a deep breath. It was pretty useless for him. Vampires didn't need to breathe, but it seemed to calm him down.  
  
Feeling some what calmer, Angel made his way towards the first cemetery.  
  
***  
  
Buffy stopped her training. She'd been training constantly. She hadn't stop to take a drink or catch her breath once.  
  
She was pretty much exhasted, although it helped her to not think of Angel and what his presence in town might mean.  
  
For all she knew it was because she was in danger or something. It was so noble of him, coming down to Sunnydale to save her.  
  
He was a white knight coming to save the damsel in distress.  
  
I'm not his 'damsel in distress.' I can take care of myself. I have for the past three years without him. Let's just hope it stays that way. Buffy thought.  
  
She wasn't hoping for any kind of reunion. She didn't want to be with him. She didn't want to go through the pain again when he leaves because there was no doubt that he would leave. She wouldn't trust that easily this time. Not ever will she trust a man or *anyone* for that matter.  
  
She learned from experience that the people you trust may turn against you and use your trust against you.  
  
She knew that when Angel had reverted to his old self that it wasn't him, but what hurt more was what *Angel* did, not Angelus.  
  
He broke her heart a million times over and she would never forgive him for that.  
  
She was lying to herself when she said that she didn't care about Angel, but she didn't care, as long as she beleived it.  
  
Buffy had vowed that she would never trust anyone but herself ever again.  
  
She had no intention of ever breaking it, no matter what happens. If the circumstances were under her control she would have it no other way.  



End file.
